The Abyss of IVF

The day had finally come. The pills, the shots, blood, cries and tears were all leading up to this moment. It was the day that we learned whether or not Chrissie was carrying a tiny us inside her belly. I was still working at a camp as an overseer of a small lake so I had room enough to pace back and forth, wondering what the hell the outcome would be. There were life jackets to be fastened on kids and kayaks to be tugged to the shore. This gave me enough physical activity to occupy myself before I would get the call or text that would let me know whether or not I was going to be a dad. Then...it happened. I was busy towing a kid in from the middle of the lake who had a break down when the call came. I got to my phone and I opened up the home screen. "Not pregnant" it read. Not goddamned pregnant. All of the time, money and stress and we weren't......AAAAAGGHHH! I wanted to hurl a paddle into the lake. What the hell was the matter with the world that this kind of disappointment would continue to befall me and Chrissie? I thought I was going to lose it! I called my wife and she answered, understandably in tears. I said a few words, trying to comfort her but it was a useless gesture. I hung up the phone feeling like a man without a purpose. And this ladies and gentlemen, was just the first round of IVF.