Announcing Your Pregnancy To Post or Not to Post?

For decades women have been under the guise of the imposed societal and traditional moray that you should not share that you are pregnant until after the first trimester for the primary reason of a fear of miscarriage. So if you’ve struggled with infertility issues already, and you finally get that happy pregnancy test showing that you’re pregnant, what do you want to do: share your news with your loved ones or keep it to yourself? Well of course you are supposed to keep your joy hidden until your pregnancy is in the proverbial clear. Like people told me when I shared initially four years ago that I was trying to get pregnant: “Don’t talk about it, you don’t want to jinx it” Have I in fact jinxed my pregnancy? Medical issues are medical issues. Four years ago, my talking about it had nothing to do with the coconut sized uterine fibroid tumor growing inside my uterus and has nothing to do with my pregnancy progression now. Currently, I’m 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant. And honestly they have been the queasiest but happiest two weeks since knowing I was carrying a child that I’ve had since losing the girls I thought I would adopt. Because I feel this connection to a tiny orange seed of a human I have growing inside of me. Yes, I know the size because I’ve read everything I could on what to expect to track my pregnancy every step of the way. However, all that hopeful planning for my future child came to a negative speed bump in the road of pregnancy progression when yesterday after having the familiar battle of trying to find my vein for bloodwork, I called in to get my test results only to find that my HCG levels are not doubling the way they had expected. This could mean that my worst fear of miscarriage could come to fruition. So if that does happen, would I have been better off to suffer in silence? To not let anyone around me know the internal struggle or pain? I really don’t think so. As I sit here after the phone call that knocked me down off my pregnancy pedestal, I have cried, prayed, bargained with God and continued to share my story on Facebook. Had I not had the overwhelming support and outreach of people praying for us sending their love, I feel that I would easily fall into a pit of mental depression. The next step is to get another blood test to see what my numbers are along with an ultrasound. In my head and heart, I feel that no matter what medical tests say, this baby is strong and going to make it. I guess I get that attitude from my mom. From day 1, I was a baby that doctors said would never make it. From her first appointment, to her having to lie on one side for months, doctors were skeptical that I would survive. But even after being born two months premature, with jaundice and a potential looming heart transplant, here I am 35 years later, continuing to prove the odds wrong. I can only hope the baby growing inside me does the same. However, no matter what I know that talking about my pregnancy has had no outcome on its progression. So to all the infertility warriors out there who have suffered in silence with your story or your miscarriage (s), you are not alone. I could not be getting through this bump in the road without you. Thank you for sharing your amazing stories of strength, and hope through your journeys of infertility.