Adopting...Hope Again?

As I lay on the gurney this week for yet another sonogram (this time checking an abnormality in my abdomen) I couldn't help but reflect on the previous trials from our five year Infertility road. If you've read our book, "Navigating the Road of Infertility" you know some of our story already. Sadly though we have continued navigating through 3 more rounds of IVF, 2 miscarriages and medical anomalies that left even the most experienced Infertility specialists speechless. This included my vasovagal response that almost killed me twice during egg retrieval followed by the mystery of whether I had thrombophilia or any other kind of blood clotting disorder. Subsequently, the IVF detour finally ended with my husband's return of variococele (varicose veins in the testicles.) He had these surgically removed but they grew back. Who knew they could. That brings us to adoption. After attempting to foster to adopt and the heartbreak that followed we were skeptical. Go international is what all close friends advised. So we decided to do just that. We wanted to adopt from China; a child with disabilities. In order to do that we'd have to go through a local agency along with an international agency. What did that mean? Double the paperwork and double the fees. Both applications together were $900. So we diligently completed everything only to find out we don't qualify for China. Why? Because we both have diagnosed mental illnesses and don't have $80,000 lying around. Your mortgage counts against your net worth. Ugh, a roadblock again. So after feeling pretty worthless about not meeting criteria for international adoption, we wallowed for the summer and decided to try domestic adoption. But definitely NOT through the foster care system. So here we go, completing our home study again and talking to case workers about every detail of our lives. We have chosen agency assisted adoption versus traditional because we don't care if the child is white. Agency assisted is also less of a fee: around $35,0000 after the initial $10,000 instead of $51,000 for traditional and it's more likely we will be placed with a baby sooner. We had our call with our adoption coordinator on Friday and for the first time in a long time I felt hope rise up again in my heart. We've been through emotions in this journey that I wouldn't wish on anyone. And yet we are still here, with the desire to be parents. My favorite game to play on my phone is Candy Crush and I've thought of that screen throughout every failed attempt on this journey. You know that screen that pops up mockingly: "Level failed. You did not reach your goal." Yeah, thanks for that reminder screen. I know! Yet somehow after our failures, most that would have broken other couples, my husband and I are still together holding hands ready to welcome our future baby into our home. I believe once again that our road has a happy ending out there. Infertility may have knocked my hope down but it will never knock it out! Stay tuned...